By nepali on January 18, 2010
As the Prime Minister of this country, Mr. Madhav Kumar Nepal needs to be able to answer to the main opposition when they seek clarification on what he blurts out on his speeches. How can you leave the House without answering The Questions, Mr. Prime Minister? According to Nepal News, Mr. Nepal had one whole day to provide the main opposition (the Maoists) with some answers but to no one’s surprise, failed to come up with anything. It is only too clear that Mr. Prime Minister didn’t do his homework.
Please read the following snippet from Nepal News:
UCPN (Maoist) parliamentary board deputy leader Narayan Kaji Shrestha had sought government’s official position on PM Nepal’s the alleged statement, Indian army chief’s statement about army integration in Nepal and alleged import of arms through Sunauli border on January 14 on Sunday.
On all three counts above, Mr. Nepal failed to deliver a response to the House and to the Nepali people. In his utterly shameful departure, Mr. Nepal failed to fulfill a fundamental tenet of a good leader: ability to step up to the plate and deliver when faced with a challenge. Rather, Mr. Nepal decided to bolt and in so doing made a mockery of himself yet again.
Question that I would like to find an answer to is - why did he leave? Did he have to go to the restroom? Unlikely, because he would have come back, one would hope. Did he forget something? That is a possibility considering he had all his answers written on a notebook or something. Or was he secretly hoping that the Maoists would forget about their queries from the day before? Or did he suddenly remember that his assignment was due today and he just went - “shit! forgot to consult the HLPM”? This, I’m thinking, could be it. The following is what transpired at the Chairman of HLPM Mr. Girija Prasad Koirala’s residence in Maharajgunj after the Prime Minister ventured out the door of the House this afternoon:
Mr. Nepal huffs and puffs his way to the foyer beside the living room where Mr. Koirala’s death bed elegantly lies. The death bed was built several years ago by Mr. Koirala’s adversaries at the time - all of Nepal, before presenting the ill-fated bed to the octogenarian on his birthday.
The bed sheet on that bed doesn’t have so much as a hint of anyone having occupied it, ever. After disappointingly glancing towards the death bed and feeling that pinch of Rs. 500,000 on his bank account and cringing, Mr. Nepal violently wipes off the sweat forming on his brow with the back of his hand:
Mr. Nepal: “Girija babu, what do I do? What do I do? I’m in deep shit again!”
Mr. Koirala: “Makuney bhai, calm down! Chill! Want a hit off this cigar?”
Mr. Nepal: “Girija babu, you know I quit that shit when I took up karate for self-defense! Remember how you said you didn’t need to join?”
Mr. Koirala: “Oh yeah, that’s right! I was secretly in talks with Prachanda ji at the time, unlike you guys. Hehe. Hehehe. Khit khit. He had assured me of my safety. What a nice man he is!”
Mr. Nepal: “Umm okay Girija babu, if you say so. But now I’m in trouble and I didn’t know who to turn to. You’ve got to help me out Girija babu. Please please!”
Mr. Koirala: “What did you do this time, Makuney bhai? Is Badal out kicking your behind again?”
Mr. Nepal almost loses his balance at that thought. Still shuddering, Mr. Nepal goes: “N..No..th..thank god no.”
Mr. Koirala: “What is it then, Makuney bhai? Problems at the house? Mrs. Nepal not happy that you’ve not been spending much time with her? Or is it the kids? They started to hang out with Paras?”
Mr. Nepal: “No Girija babu, I’m solid on the home front and the kids are nice kids - they wouldn’t disgrace my good family name like that. But thanks. Girija babu, I actually .. I .. er .. didn’t do my homework .. again. I forgot Girija babu.”
Mr. Koirala is furious.
Mr. Koirala: “What the hell man? Makuney bhai, how’s it gonna work like this man? You’ve got to take care of your business man! You’ve got to do your shit, my brother .. my brother from another mother! C’mon Makuney bhai! This ain’t gonna cut it man! YOU HAVE GOT TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK DAMMITTT!!!”
Mr. Koirala then glances towards Mr. K.P. Sharma Oli’s smiling framed photograph hanging on his wall which is located right beside the inordinately gleeful portrait of a famous Bollywood entertainer from the 70s, Mehmood. Mr. Nepal meanwhile follows Mr. Koirala’s gaze, drops his shoulders and sinks on the couch. A guard outside thinks he hears the Prime Minister of Nepal bawling. Unable to hold himself, the guard steps a couple of inches towards his left, and right through the weaving of the longest money plant in Nepal, peers through. A rush of excitement hits him when he sees Mr. Madhav Kumar Nepal, the Prime Minister of Nepal, incessantly crying his heart out in fetal position sucking on his thumb. After a while, Mr. Nepal starts mumbling some words to Mr. Koirala. Upon taking a listen closely, the guard can now distinctly hear a whining Mr. Nepal.
Mr. Nepal: ” .. sorry Girija babu. Sob sob. I’m .. sob .. really sorry. Please don’t call Mr. Oli. I promise .. sob sob .. I’ll never forget to do my homework again .. sob. Please Girija babu .. give me one chance.”
Mr. Koirala: “I don’t know Makuney bhai .. you’re unreliable. You’ve got to get your act together Makuney bhai. Plus, I’ve been noticing .. you lack leadership skills, bhai. You’ve got to be able step up to the plate when you’re being hit! You’ve got to show the Nepali people that you’re not a joke! You can’t be absconding like that and not doing your homework. Now quit crying!”
Mr. Nepal, for the second time today is seen wiping off his face. He takes off his glasses, pulls out his pink handkerchief from his suruwal, and does a clean sweep of his face. Putting his specs back on, Mr. Nepal goes: “Girija babu, tell me what I should do. I don’t have much time now and I need to finish this homework by this Thursday.”
Mr. Koirala: “Okay Makuney bhai, I’m doing this for the last time. One more slip, and you’re outta that seat! I can’t be baby-sitting you all the time. I’ve got shit to do too man!”
Mr. Nepal: “I know Girija babu and I completely understand. I will not let you down again. I promise.”
Mr. Nepal then clumsily holds the skin on his adam’s apple area collectively with his right thumb and right index finger.
Mr. Koirala sighs and says: “All right Makuney bhai all right! Just this once. Get your homework done right here right now!”
Mr. Koirala then writes something on a piece of paper and hands it out to Mr. Nepal. Mr. Nepal beams, and just like that, looks like he’s the happiest dude on earth. He pulls out his blackberry and starts dialing. The line connects and Mr. Nepal knows for sure that his homework will be done upon hearing the distinct, soft voice in a language that would make Mr. Paramananda Jha proud.
New Delhi: “Namaskar Pradhan Mantri ji! Boliye, kya khidmat kar saktey hain aaj hum aap key liye?”
After about 45 minutes, Mr. Nepal is seen exiting Koirala Niwas with the widest grin known to man. Media had already assembled outside the Koirala Niwas in Maharajgunj. Without entertaining the media, Mr. Nepal is seen waving to the cameras as he lunges into the comfortable Mercedes Benz.
On the nightly news later that evening, the guard at Koirala Niwas was laughing at the TV when the news anchor was throwing the following bullshit to the people of Nepal:
“The Prime Minister Mr. Madhav Kumar Nepal and the Chairman of the Nepali Congress had a meeting at latter’s residence this afternoon. According to our sources, the two discussed various ways of speeding up the Constitution writing process, among other things.”
Moving on the news anchor sternly continues:
“Meanwhile, the Chairman of Unified Communist Party of Nepal (Maoist) Mr. Pushpa Kamal Dahal, upon hearing about this meeting today, has threatened to pull himself out of the HLPM and has reportedly discussed with his party’s central committee’s members about a double whammy of mass Nepal Bandh from the 24th of Januray.”
Now there’s some truth, the guard was thinking to himself and thanking heavens for giving him the right frame of mind when he had decided to send both of his daughters to America for higher studies a couple of years back.
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